Good morning, live from cancerland

20 August 2024

My estimable graphomaniac friend Rick Webb says that everyone should write a 1000+ word newsletter every day instead of using modern social media in the usual ways, and I think that is probably correct. Though I am not the best with repeating habits. And that is somewhat on purpose. No, I do not want to read James Clear’s book even though apparently it changed everyone’s lives. (I did see him talk once about 10 years ago at a tiny conference in Norfolk VA, of all places and he was very good, but he wasn’t talking about habit-formation).

So, my health, yeah, it’s a popular topic these days. Here’s the update, such as it is. I’m feeling well today. I had chemo and radiation yesterday, and it went smoothly. I have radiation again today (and every day!). Last week I had to skip chemo for the first time because my neutrophil levels were too low. Apparently, neutrophils are to do with white blood cells, though I’m convinced it sounds like a type of small rabbit-like creature of some sort. This also meant my immunity was low last week, so I had to forego a whole bunch of fun-sounding, crowd-containing events, which was not jollificating, but par for the course, I expect. But my handy graph shows my neutrophils benefitted from the week’s rest and are now solidly back in the green (normal) section, so go me.

Chemo means I get dosed up on steroids for a few days, which, call me a drug-addled delinquent, but I do enjoy this immensely. I feel like Old Annie, or should I say, Young Annie. Lots of energy, no sleeping, lots of ideas, getting lots done. It’s so pleasant after my long slow decline into energy-less constant napping. Only a few days of the week though. And my docs say not to take extra, as it messes with immunity. (And there are other short- and long-term side effects that suck too, so alas, I will obey.)

I went to a proto-board meeting for the Sisterhood of Salem last night and couldn’t shut my mouth, but (despite this) it was a great meeting. I’m very inspired about volunteering and being a part of this org and seeing where it goes and what it can do as becomes a nonprofit. It’s a networking, collaboration, mentoring, social, learning, support group for women indie biz owners in Salem (that sentence may change, pending finalizing the mission statement!). I’m all about indie biz in Salem, and evening out some of the damage caused by historical patriarchy through deeds not just winging is always good. Anyway, I was a motormouth at said meeting, which was kind of funny, for me. I usually just listen and take notes and come out with a couple nuggets at the end. Met some cool people too. I would link you to the website, but it doesn’t exist yet. And yes, I have volunteered to build it.

Oh yeah, cancer. So yup, external radiation every day this week and most days the next two weeks, except when I get to do other, more invasive, complicated treatments. I have 5 days which are for internal radiation — which is an all-day affair starting at 6am and involves some rather graphic placement of nuclear thingies and then getting hooked up to a machine that makes them go. And a lot of other procedures in between. And full anesthesia. This should be, interesting. Yes, maintain curiosity.

I have an MRI this Friday which is the first sort of diagnostic test of any kind I’ve had since I’ve started treatment. MRIs aren’t the highest res way to look at cancer (CT Scans tell you more) but it will give some info, I believe. And involves drinking metal and inserting rather a lot of goo in a place you’d rather not. I know you are jealous. Oh, and lying in a claustrophobic very loud tube. But I kind of like that part. It’s very nice industrial music.

Speaking of music, the Somergloom festival is happening in Davis Square this weekend, and I’m going to try to go on Saturday. There are lots of good bands, and you should go if Somerville is convenient. And you like that sort of thing. Gloom.

And speaking of localish music festival thingies, the Moon Over Salem music festival is happening in Salem in a couple weeks on September 14th, and it’s another worth checking out. There are a boatload of bands and a vendor market, at which I am vending (as Keep Salem Odd). This event is actually a benefit to help support local music and teach up-and-coming bands how to do indie shows and stuff. The Moon Booking people seem neat-o. Oh, and the vendor part is curated by The Salem Flea, another huge supporter of indie biz in Salem. Seems to be a theme in my brain here! And I haven’t even told you about my new book project yet. But that will wait, I think.

This is like a that complement sandwich way of writing where you couch the criticism within the nice bits… I keep coming back to trying to give a cancer update in between going off on this that and the other, but I think the final part of my thoughts on all of that are that I’m trying to keep in my vision of possible things that could happen, that things may not continue to go as smoothly as they have mostly been. Don’t get me wrong, I do feel positive, and again, that word, intensely grateful. But I don’t want to freak out if there are glitches. I could start to feel appreciably worse from the radiation in the next two weeks. It’s apparently very common with the cumulative effects. I’ve felt poorly some days, but not as badly as I’d been told about. I’ve also prophylactically a “low-residue” (i.e. no fiber, no spice, no acid, not much taste, sigh….) vegan diet and taking various stomach remedies, so I think that has mostly helped so far. Many many white foods. So weird and counterintuitive to my usual take on healthful eating. But I just keep telling myself it’s temporary and boy will I be glad to mow down some broccoli and legumes and things when I’m up to it. I’ve been largely missing out on our copious bounty of cukes and tomatoes from the garden this year and have FOMO about it, but again. Temporary.

And yes, the tempering the vision thing. What if my MRI shows not tumor shrinkage, or that it is worse or spread or some other unlikely yet possible scenario? I must put in my mind that these things could happen. Even my doctor said they likely won’t be the case, but being mentally ready seems important.

Obviously cancer and cancer treatment is largely physical, but when people say it is also hugely mental, they tell no lies. I’ve learned so much about myself. And neutrophils.

XOXO
Annie

PS: I don’t feel like writing custom CSS to create a proper caption for the featured image at the top of the post, so here’s a description for you: This is the external radiation machine I go in every day. That huge thing rotates around me while I lie on a table. It’s kind of like being a part of the projector at the planetarium. It makes some cool noises, but sometimes they also pipe in some mainstream bland 80s music like Tom Petty or (icky) ZZ Top. Even though none of the people who work in this department were glimmers in their parent’s eyes in the 80s. Also, there are flowers on the ceiling to look at if you keep your eyes open.

PPS: To everyone who has contributed to my GoFundMe, bought something on Keep Salem Odd, Zelle’d, or just reached out to say hi, THANK YOU A MILLION TIMES. I can’t even tell you how much this means to me. I haven’t cried over having cancer, but tears have come to my eyes several times because of people’s kindness. You are the best.

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